You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
