I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He passed out mid-signature
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize