I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
