Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
