I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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