If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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