Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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