im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
