history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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