I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it's like heaven, but drunker
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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