Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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