I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize