We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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