Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just gargled with NyQuil
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
