Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
