Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
