I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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