Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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