It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
