Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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