Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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