I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
