I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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