so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
