once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
