Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
