He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
