so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
