saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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