Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm passing your future prison.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
