I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
