He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
