She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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