Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
