I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's blow job season.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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