Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
