Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
