it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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