THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
