I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
