whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
