I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
