I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
