i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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