i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
People in love make me want to vomit
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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