There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
