Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
