My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I looked at my own cervix.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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