I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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