Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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