I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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