you're like a bully in the Christmas story
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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