I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
