Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
