nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
