My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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