dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
