Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
