P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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