Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize