I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
