very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this boner is exhausting
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
