im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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