Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
