my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
