Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
